I started 2019 in a state of trepidation because 2018 was awful, but the moment when everything feels horrible can be one of the most critical times to make decisions.
Several things happened recently.
Just as I’d decided that I couldn’t retrain to do anything that requires a lot of training (teaching, creative writing, psychology…), because of home commitments, we bumped into my dentist who trained to be a dentist in his late 40s and who retired in his mid 80s. He still flies aeroplanes. It would be an act of stupidity not to be inspired by this fantastic, talented, interesting man.
Last year’s hospital trips left me feeling isolated and exhausted but then, after years apart, my old best friend from college got in touch. This is someone who knew me when I was young, loud, and even more clumsy than I am now. A huge hole was filled with exactly the right person, and it made me realise that the right people in life are SO worth hanging onto. Yeah, sure, there may be ups and downs and gaps but some people are meant to stay. Don’t give up on each other, even (especially) during the stupid times. Good people are good people.
I wasn’t able to reach all the people I needed in 2018 – there are people I will come back to in 2019 and say, can we start again, please? I couldn’t be there, but I’m here now.
And finally, I went on a run. The first three miles went badly but I carried on, exhausted myself catching up, and reached my 10-mile goal. It felt disgusting, but reminded me that you can make a giant hack of something in the beginning, but it doesn’t mean it will end badly. I’m applying this philosophy to my WIP… and, er, most of my life over the last 3-4 years.
2019 is going to be about writing, running, and people.